Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2. Homer no function beer well without. I stand by my racial slur. Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Homer no function beer well without. Ahoy hoy? We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. You don’t win friends with salad. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…

Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.

And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! I didn’t get rich by signing checks. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.

Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours. You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don’t work out in real life, uh, Christianity. I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… I stand by my racial slur.

He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! Homer no function beer well without. Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! You don’t win friends with salad. I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!

Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!

They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

I’ve been there. My folks were always on me to groom myself and wear underpants. What am I, the pope? Shut up and take my money! You know, I was God once. Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Pansy.

I never loved you. OK, if everyone’s finished being stupid. Oh Leela! You’re the only person I could turn to; you’re the only person who ever loved me. Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” These old Doomsday Devices are dangerously unstable. I’ll rest easier not knowing where they are.

I haven’t felt much of anything since my guinea pig died. Fetal stemcells, aren’t those controversial? I wish! It’s a nickel. I had more, but you go ahead. I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny!

It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too. Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? I just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Fry, that doesn’t make sense. Hi, I’m a naughty nurse, and I really need someone to talk to. $9.95 a minute. You, a bobsleder!? That I’d like to see!

Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… Soon enough. We’re rescuing ya.

Stop it, stop it. It’s fine. I will ‘destroy’ you! But existing is basically all I do! I usually try to keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness. I feel like I was mauled by Jesus. And why did ‘I’ have to take a cab? As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead.

But I know you in the future. I cleaned your poop. Yep, I remember. They came in last at the Olympics, then retired to promote alcoholic beverages! Yeah, lots of people did. Interesting. No, wait, the other thing: tedious. Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it?

Kif might! Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything. Bender, being God isn’t easy. If you do too much, people get dependent on you, and if you do nothing, they lose hope. You have to use a light touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket. Professor, make a woman out of me.